Others to Keep

I don't know how other people are, but I often find that I don't fully accept and understand that I won't be here forever.  Maybe it is my selfishness that makes me forget (or deny) that there will be someone else to love, regret and cherish Life after I am gone, and in her time she will have her own triumphs and hardships.  The same will be true for her and everyone else.  Time is a tool of our lives, but also the whip that runs us down.  It is, in the end, Life's ultimate addiction.

What do I do with that thought?  I need more time, more time for this and more time for that, but at the same I am getting more tired and worn out.  Some times I start to loathe that there is no end even though an end is certain.  The weight of worry grows heavier as time presses on, and I start to question How I am living because it is too late to contemplate life.  I search my memory, and I realize that the genuine good things are enough to tolerate the weight of suffering.  Memory is the great endurance of time. This is where I should attempt to make the best impact in some small and genuine way.    

Always I know I am small in the universe - smaller even than dust in a banquet hall.  I have no significance among great things, but nonetheless, I have purpose.  I am nothing and everything to this world that I am a part of.  That is the only identity crisis I face.

The loathsome day will arrive, and after I have been spent and pressed thin, all of me will fade along with other Things.  Time will take its toll and by then I suspect the price will not seem too heavy.  For now, I can only influence the fractions of time and space that are mine, and everything else is for others to keep.